“God breaks the heart again and again and again until it stays open.”
- Hazrat Inazat Khan
“We carry within us the wonders we seek without us.”
- Thomas Brown
“YOU are that which you are seeking.”
- Saint Francis
Both quoted by Mark Nepo
This bears explaining because it isn’t about ME or US per se….it is about the internal work, the internal journey that has everything to do with becoming an effective, humble, gracious human rights worker. It all starts with you – before you come clear with yourself, it is difficult to be of service to others.
Today was a breakthrough in terms of my community work. One day, I was feeling slightly sorry for myself and quite exhausted from the long run and housework; however, my perspective quickly changed when I met with the women in our village women’s group. My friend L told me that she too was tired from household chores. The difference is she was doing laundry – by hand – for 5 children in addition to herself. She has 2 of her own children, and cares for 3 of her sister’s children. (This is very common here for children to be raised by their grandparents, aunts or uncles and to rarely see their own parents.) Another member of our women’s group has lost a lot of color in her face; her skin is sallow and lifeless. She is very thin – suffering from HIV. My friend told me that weeks earlier she was so depressed she could not even get out of bed. Today, at least, she danced and sang with us and enjoyed a meal.
But the most stunning thing I witnessed today was another of our fellow community women, “Ataka,” who has nine children and, since her husband passed away, has literally nothing in terms of money or food. The leader of our women’s group had told me about her before because part of our women’s group service is providing “emergency food” rations to women in the community who truly need help. (Yes, this is not sustainable, but there are times when crisis aid is necessary. It remains true that development in general must always strive to be sustainable, and this is certainly central to the Peace Corp’s approach to development.)
Ataka’s house was grim and barren. I had to force myself to look at her in order not to gawk or stare at her empty house. They do not have clothes, bedding, furniture – nothing. It looks literally like an abandoned house, strewn with bits of garbage. Yet 10 people live there. I do not know how they survive. I do not know how the woman keeps on every day. She has a humble smile on her face – a wizened, weary demeanor. Yet she does smile and carry on.
These women take the concept of “strong women” to the next level. Ministering to others takes your mind off yourself. And learning about the realities of others often quickly changes one’s perspective.
After meeting and speaking with Ataka, I feel somehow forever changed. She told me her and her family have been suffering like this for the past nine years. How she survives, how she keeps going despite her pain, I don’t know. When I asked her, she simply cited a faith in God. All I could tell her was again and again that she inspires me, that she is strong and powerful beyond measure.
What sticks with me the most are Ataka’s words, “I am a woman his exists on air.” She has nothing, but somehow she manages to survive.
Seeing Ataka really brings home the importance of education. Today in class, I found myself unusually upset when my learners were not taking their lessons seriously. When one day you meet a woman who is on the edge of survival, who has only a 5th grade education, and who wishes more than anything she could have a job to support herself and her family, and the next you are in a classroom of students who DO HAVE the privilege of an education, but who are not taking it seriously – it wears on you. But these are the same problems that have been existing probably since traditional education was invented. Perhaps these are always the generational struggles between students and teachers. I just wish more than anything that I could reach them in a deeper, more fundamental way. That they would appreciate more the struggle for Namibian independence which is allowing them to realize their right to education.
But again, all we can do is try – all we can do is together take small steps in the right direction. And perhaps, like Ataka, one of the best things that we can do is to have faith.
Here are some highlights from the J’Burg airport:
- What do you think?
- It is always the small things in life… .This is the Nam/SA equivalent of SBUX… Cannot quite express how happy I was to have these items in my possession…
On a deeper note, this is where I am at right now:
The Peace Corps both leaves a lot of space for, and forces in a way, the journeys we must take within ourselves.
Back at site…I was fortunate enough to have an awesome Peace Corps trainee shadow me during the past week. There is a new group of volunteers training in, and part of their program is observing other teachers live in the classroom. We had a lot of fun, and she was a big help to me!
She even inspired me to visit new places in my village. I have always been curious about this old building. I had first heard that it used to be a train station. My village was a fairly large and bustling German town in the 70s and 80s, with supermarkets, banks, etc. Now there is literally only a very small shop, a clinic, our school, and the police station (there is not even a petrol station!). But back in the day, it was quite a dynamic little place. Back to the building below, when we visited, I was told that it had actually been a hotel. Now, there are many people squatting inside the remains of the hotel building. It is quite extraordinary how people make use of the available resources to make a viable shelter. People are very resourceful.
And we had an amazing surprise when we turned the corner to check out the back of the building and discovered these very sweet baby goats…
Am returning now from holiday to Vic Falls and Lake Malawi. As I said, will post photos soon.
One of the photos I plan to post is of a fellow passenger on the bus I took to the lake. It is a little girl carrying a live chicken. This sets the stage for the kind of day it had been...
After that crazy bus ride, I had finally arrived at the Malawi/Zambia border. When I arrived at the lodge where I had hoped to stay, 3 smiling Zambians told me that, "the kitchen and half the lodge burned down today; we are closed." (!!) Desperate, I asked if there was another place to stay, and they recommended a place nearby. I walked in, but there was noone there. I gave up and walked towards the hotel across the street. Suddently, there was a Zambian woman next to me, red-faced and out of breath. "I'm sorry!!" she said! I said it was OK, but that I had decided to check into the hotel across the street. She kindly continued to apologize and explained how expensive the hotel is, etc. Finally, I decided to go with her because she was being so kind. I decided this speaks well for Zambians...if she is a representative of Zambia. It was kind of her to track me down!
Then...I tell her I plan to take a bath....she replies that "there is no water." But - no problem - she returns with hot water for a bucket bath.
After enjoying a dinner of nshima (maize meal) and a local green vegetable similar to spinach, at the cost of $2 USD, I go back to my room and discover - of course - that now the lights are not working. I inquire, and the kind girl tells me that there is low voltage throughout the town (Chipata) and tells me "don't worry" (!!!)
She offers me a candle.
So it was - I sat writing this blog post by candlelight somewhere near the border. I find it funny to realize how reliant I am on "luxuries" such as running water and electricity! Most of the rest of the world does not have these things - but when I don't have them it feels such an inconvenience. It is interesting to be aware of all of our different experiences and perceptions of the world...
So...burned down lodges, sketchy places with no water or electricity, vs. nice hotels and reliability, but perhaps a bit more insular experience? What do you prefer? I don't know...but I do know that I enjoy the Peace Corps life I am experiencing here. (But let's be honest, that I also like water and electricity!)
This also provides an interesting comparision between Zambia, Malawi and Namibia. Namibia is much more developed than these countries - due mainly to the legacy of South Africa and German colonial rule here, which build the infrastructure in Namibia. It is the double-edged sword of colonialism - there are some benefits, but also the negative sides ~
