I will post photos soon of recent travel to Zambia and Malawi. We visited Vic Falls (Zim side) and went to Lake Malawi. The lake was especially magnificent, and the hardcore African travel to get there was intense... (read: overcrowded buses with everything from satellite dishes to live chickens to dead fish for sale on board...).
Sending love to ALL of you at home and elsewhere...for now, a quote:
Last week, our school took 42 learners on a trip to Windhoek.
We toured parliament, Heroes’ Acre (monument commemorating Namibian independence), the University of Namibia, and much more. One of the highlights was at the American Cultural Center, where the students listened to a speaker from EducationUSA. EducationUSA advisors provide resources to assist students in finding university placements in the United States.
While there, I listened to the EducationUSA advisor encourage the students to dream big, to consider studying in the U.S. I could feel their excitement, and thought that it is moments such as these, moments of flow when all of the hard work, and the fear that perhaps your best efforts are only hitting against a brick wall, that the water seems to break from the dam, and there is a moment of pure inspiration. It is like a quote from The Hours:
"It is moments like these, where life, against all odds, opens up and gives you everything you have ever wanted."
The advisor went on to tell a story about a young woman she calls her “star girl” because of her dedication and tenacity in pursing her goals of higher education. The student is going to St. Catherine’s, and has received a $23,000 USD scholarship – which is only a portion of the $37,000 USD tuition and fees necessary to attend the institution. BUT she has persistently pursued the Ministry of Education here in Namibia, private corporations and sponsors, and other academic scholarship, to help fund her studies. THIS is why I love working in international education – stories like that of “star girl” which are so full of hope!
Later, at the Namibian parliament, my heart leapt again as “S,” who I have written about before – an extremely talented young student at our school who has not had the easiest life, asked the most polished and courageous questions. Self-assuredly, she asked a current member of the Namibian Parliament, “What does it take to become a Member of Parliament?” With her talent and confidence, I have no doubt she could one day become an MP herself!
It continues to be an honor and a privilege to work at live with such inspirational students, and in such a diverse land of opportunity.
(Am on school holiday now – will post more photos as soon as possible!)
I just finished a novel called Rules of the Wild by Francesca Marciano. It is set in Nairobi. I would describe it is heartbreaking, real, and brave. It begins with the following quote:
“I thought, if you’re really going to live in Africa, you have to be able to look at it and say, this is the way of love, down this road: look at it hard; this is where it’s going to lead you. I think you will know what I mean if I tell you love is worth nothing until it’s tested by its own defeat. I felt I was being asked to love without being afraid of the consequences. I realized that love, even if it ends in defeat, gives you a kind of honor; but without love, you have no honor at all.”
- Rian Malan
The author says, about the first time she landed in Kenya, “I felt so happy, as if I had been given a new life.” I love the way the author describes her characters…
About one…”she has a blind determination which tells her to hold on….and never let go…The less you flounder, the less likely you are to drown. Just hold on.” But about herself, she says, “I didn’t learn that lesson. I drowned a long time ago, my lungs full of water.” Maybe because I am teaching English now, the graphic detail of her descriptions really appeal to me.
And the characters admission that she had failed to learn this particular lesson caused me to reflect: what are our own fatal flaws? It is often our strengths which are also our weaknesses, the double-edged swords… One of the lines in the book reminded me of a favorite line in The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen. Marciano says, “Only at passport control did I realize how long I had been broken. How much I wanted out, how much I needed to be healed.”
Franzen said, "She still had a still-working old self, a Version 3.2 or a Version 4.0...not until she was at the pier and a quite different Denise, a Version 5.0...did the extent of the correction she was undergoing reveal itself." - The Corrections
Marciano’s book reminded me a bit of Kuki Gallman’s book, especially in the way she falls in love with Kenya. She says, “Here you are constantly reminded of what it means to be free and alive…it becomes very difficult to settle for anything less than this.
Life will demand everything from us. This is exactly what sets us free. It is the passion and force that allow us to continue alive; there is no turning back through the doors of perception.
At the end of the book, a friend tells her that “you have been here all along for a different reason. It has nothing to do with people in your life, but with your ability to feel.”
This is also how I feel about my time here – I often have the feeling that there are lessons that I am learning that I can’t quite put my finger on, that they lurk just beneath the surface, even at the sub-conscious level. But the person I am today, 1 year after I left the U.S., feels much different than the one that left Seattle last year. None of us know what the future holds, but I am excited, and Marciano’s book helped me to reflect on the joys and sorrows of living overseas, living in Africa, witnessing other people’s pain and triumph, of slowly unraveling yourself, and finding your core.
Here in Namibia, I feel closer to God than I ever have before. I think it is because of the simpler way of life, and the high level of interconnectedness between people in my community. There is a high level of social capital. One of my aunts, who is also a spiritual teacher and an oblate, observed once that she believes the impoverished are often closer to God because they cannot shield and distract themselves with material goods. It is the raw reality of them, their lives, and, if they choose, God. I think she is right.
However, recently I experienced a “night terror,” which made me confront my own journey. I have heard authors discuss the “courage” necessary to confront your own strong emotions. I think of Jesus in the Gospel of Thomas, the Gnostic Gospels, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” Mark Nepo put it this way, “The more we express, that is, bring out what is in, the more alive we are. The more we give voice to our pain in living, the less build-up we have between our soul and our way in the world.”
Sometimes when we are broken open, we are forced into being our most open, humble and vulnerable selves, which allows us to connect with others. This is a gift. Nepo continues, “all spiritual warriors have a broken heart – must have a broken heart – because it is only through the break that the wonder and mysteries of life can enter us.” I am not 100% sure why God has revealed himself to me here, why I feel closer to him/her here. But I think it has something to do with my journey, with working through heartache, pain, and intense personal learning. It is a journey of healing, and to finding your true place of service and vocation in the world. It is not easy, but in the end is the most rewarding and fulfilling path there is. Here, I have found I want to teach, and I want to continue to pursue my studies. I have found the best of friends, the best of people. I am humbled and awed by the path God has led me down. And I can’t wait for what happens next.
“Life is too magnificent and difficult for us to give away our elemental place in the journey.”
- Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening
This week, my host sister commented that she loves seeing animals outside her house, because it is “like watching a movie.” I thought this was a cute comment, so this week I am including some photos of the animals that hang out around my house.
These donkeys decided to sleep right outside my door.
And the goats love my vegetable and fruit scraps.
And on another note, the Goddesses were watching over us:
