“Do you think you would be able to push through the overwhelming challenges to risk being an inspiration to a single child or colleague? Are you willing to face this?”
These are the words that a friend gave me when I was recently struggling with my site, with feeling I cannot do enough, wondering if I have what it takes to be of service to my students and my community. But when she phrased it that way, from deep within came a resounding YES...
Sometimes, the air in the village becomes too thick to breathe. The pain, the fear, the knowledge that you can never do enough . . and that you must accept that becomes almost too much.
This was the case on Friday – I hadn't slept enough and was out of sorts the entire day. I knew I had to get away. Other plans had fallen through, and I decided at the last minute to head to the coast.
When I arrived, things didn't look good! Everywhere was booked due to the Easter weekend. But it is amazing the faces in which God appears! First, there was Beth, the sand-boarding instructor. She is wild and beautiful – blonde hair tousled by the wind. Her hands and legs are leathery like a lizard's from working in the hot, Namibian desert. Her white VW van is full of sand, beer bottles and my favourite kind of dog. She offered me a lift to a beautiful backpackers hostel - home of local the sky-diving outfitters. She told me, “the bar there is full of adrenaline!” Immediately, I loved the place.
But, they only had vacancies the first night....the next day, the Guardian Angels continued to appear. Some of the workers at the hostel helped me find another place to stay. Travel serendipity!
What this teaches me is faith and trust. I have never made such a spontaneous decision before. My life is usually planned to a “T.” But here, a new serenity is gradually setting in. Things will work out. As my wise brother once said, “No doubt, things are unfolding as they should.”
The experience of the Peace Corps, of living in a village, in a culture, language, society and people which are not my own is very humbling. As a non-profit CEO said, “Every day, I have to make the decision NOT to give up.” This is also the case with the Peace Corps. Complacency sets in so easily, tripping you in the dark. But with a new humility, a lot of Grace, a reverent trust in God and the Universe, we can overcome complacency.
“You are not in control,” I have always been told. I believed it on an intellectual level, but on a deeper, perhaps subconscious level, I fought it tooth and nail, trying to trick my way into order and a perception of “control.” Yet in the village, there is little I can control. All I can control is myself, my attitude, my teaching and how I choose to interact with others. There is little magic I can work to reverse poverty or to dissemble macro-level systems of oppression – we can work towards this, but it takes time, patience, the right window of opportunity, and a full court press working at both the grass-roots level and with the overarching policies governing the local, state and international levels.
Perhaps even the “control” that I think I see is also an illusion! When the mirages melt away, when you are tired and weary to the bone, perhaps that is where truth and grace lie. Perhaps there is a new freedom in this. Maybe now is the time, the moment we have been waiting for. I am grateful for the many faces of God, for Guardian Angels and for traveller’s serendipity. Thankful for much-needed lessons that I am finally learning.
It is Easter weekend. Thank you to God for your hand in all of our lives and our work. I see you more clearly here than ever before. Thank you for sacrificing your Son for all of us. And thank you to Jesus for being the original social justice activist. It was Jesus who uplifted and loved the poorest among us so deeply. Thank you for being the original and most powerful example.
Happy Easter, dearest hearts! :)
The term is winding down – we are nearly done. During the holiday, I will be assisting with a youth empowerment and gender equality camp for 80 Namibian students from throughout the country. It is a Peace Corps initiative that actually operates in many countries throughout the world. It is called Camp Glow.
There will also be a Peace Corps Namibia “All Volunteer Conference” which will provide additional training and opportunities for re-connecting with other volunteers and staff. In between, I hope to explore a bit more of Namibia and maybe one of the neighboring countries.
March 21 was Namibian Independence Day, which is one of the most important holidays here. 23 years after independence, the liberation struggle is still fresh on people’s hearts and minds. A lot of blood was shed here; many people who fought for independence never saw the fruit of their labors. It reminds me of the amazing Ugandan GLBTQ activist Jacqueline Kasha Nabakazera, who won the Amnesty Intl Martin Ennals award last year and delivered one of the most awe-inspiring and courageous speeches I have ever heard. She too was talking about how many people involved in her struggle in Uganda will never see the day when their goals are realized, but they continue the struggle nevertheless. It is probably the case everywhere: that which we aspire to, that which we work towards may be an elusive dream which we never witness. We may never know, or see directly, the impact we are having on others, or on the future. But Independence Day here gives one pause to reflect and to give thanks for the democratic and peaceful society that Namibia has become, and those that fought for freedom. Namibia is now one of the most stable countries in Africa. Thank you to all of those who fought for a more equal and just society!
At our school, we had an assembly to recognize the special day. Some of the students sang, some wore traditional dress and performed a cultural dance and song, and we even had our own special “school soldiers” who performed an amazing, synchronized, soldier’s march/dance, which was quite impressive!
The next day, on my way back from town, I had the tremendous serendipity to be offered a ride back to my village with our school’s patron, who is also a Namibian Member of Parliament! The 45 minute ride home became such an amazing opportunity; I found out that she is also a gender-equality and women’s empowerment advocate. She serves on many committees and works with the UN to foster and uplift the status of women and girls around the world. She herself is disabled, and she is also working to champion the rights of the disabled.
As I have written about before, Namibia is rife with challenges in the area of gender equality and women’s rights. There is the unfortunate phenomenon of “passion killings,” “sugar daddies” and too often, cases of domestic violence. These are issues that many of us are passionate about. Yet, my question for the parliamentarian was, how she balances her emotion with her intellect when working with such charged, sometimes divisive issues, issues about which she and many of us are very passionate. She agreed that this is a struggle, but advised meditation and reflection, harnessing the power of your emotion and passion, but controlling it and keeping it at bay when it does not help you. When setting policy, a clear head and intellect are required. She is a good example of this, and has overcome so much to achieve such a high position in society. She is from the village where I work, a rural and impoverished place, but has not let that stop her from reaching an influential position where she can truly make positive changes in Namibian society. So it was an uplifting and inspirational happenstance.
Happy Independence Day, Namibia!
Here is a photo from the a recent training that I attended - this was our team building a giraffe! It was a team-building exercise/competition, and a lot of fun. (Yes, we built the tallest giraffe! :)) )
When I was at home in Seattle, I had the pleasure and joy of dancing NIA with NIA Instructor Jennifer Lucero-Earle. This uplifting, soul-satisfying combination of martial arts, healing arts and dance arts is therapeutic in so many ways. It is a truly expressive art form, and focuses on flexibility in that there is no one right or wrong way to dance NIA: it encourages true self-expression. It has also helped me to find my voice. Because it is an amalgamation of the physical, the spiritual and the emotional, it helps one to gather one’s strength, power, and creativity. This weekend I am thinking about the NIA community at home and my new NIA community here in Namibia because there was a NIA jam in Windhoek – unfortunately I wasn’t able to be there, but it is on my mind and heart nonetheless.
The topic of finding your voice is a difficult and an important one – and one of my biggest challenges and aspirations at the moment. In Amnesty International, we talk about “shining the light.” I firmly believe that if we are born into democratic societies and have the privilege and ability to use our voice, there is not only the opportunity, but the OBLIGATION to use one’s voice, to advocate for positive social change, to shine a light where and how we can. This should not be understood as proselytizing - it is extremely important to RESPECT the local culture, norms and beliefs. I struggle with this on a daily basis. One example is corporal punishment. While now constitutionally illegal in Namibia, many parents and teachers still believe strongly in its merit. There are many times when I have to be diplomatic and keep my voice silenced, yet ride the line between speaking out when there is a situation or a sentiment that I find truly wrong. Our group of volunteers in Namibia chooses to offer alternative solutions for classroom management when and if it is appropriate. As Gandhi said, you have to “Be the Change You Wish to See in the World.”
Riding this cultural line also appeared recently in the youth club that 2 colleagues and I have begun at our school. We are working with 10 student leaders on issues of gender equality and youth empowerment. We were discussing the roles of men and women in Namibian society. I was expressing concern over how, despite often being employed full time, women are often expected to do ALL of the housework. One of our best and brightest male students looked at me, and spoke up, “Miss, what about our tradition and our culture? We have learned to respect our elders and need to value our tradition.” But, he continued, he believed that women and girls should do the cooking and household chores. I told him that I respect him so much as a learner, and that he is right – we all must straddle the divide between our culture/tradition/heritage and what we as humans now and today believe is the right way.
There are many human rights violations which find their origins steeped in tradition. A classic example is female genital cutting. There are many different forms of this – the most extreme can pose a health hazard for women, and many consider it to be a human rights violation. However, we as “westerners” cannot march into a village and tell people their cultural practices are wrong! This immediately alienates and discredits you. It isn’t your culture, traditions or people! Thus, I was similarly glad at our meeting when my female Namibian colleague spoke up and agreed that yes, we must respect our culture and traditions, but that it will always be there, and that it can also be questioned, and that we can also work to be sensitive towards gender norms.
These are difficult conversations and issues which offer no easy answers.
Also related to finding one’s voice, but on a slightly different topic…I posted recently about some community members that had made some racist comments while in the presence of one of my Namibian friends. Recently, in the presence of similar community members, I finally found the courage to use my voice. I simply said, “you shouldn’t say that about them” (them being our local black Namibians) and told the person that such comments make me sad. While I don’t know if my words will have any effect, I feel comforted by the fact that I did try my best in that situation NOT to simply sit by and let the words sting my ears.
The history and the haphazard line to justice here is skewed, complex and ongoing. I am currently reading a book by Antjie Krog called Country of My Skull. Krog was a journalist who covered the Truth and Reconciliation Commission in South Africa. Her account of the Truth Commission is equal parts horror and redemption. You are spellbound; captivated by the past and in absolute awe of the grit and strength yet the absolute vulnerability of the survivors as they account their stories of torture, death, and persecution under the apartheid system in South Africa. The book is bold and astonishing in its raw truth. It is bitter. It turns your stomach. And you find that heroes sometimes aren’t heroes – I read in the newspaper that Winnie Mandela is again facing charges for her work with death squads responsible for the deaths of many under apartheid. Apparently she became increasingly militarized and used violent measures to counteract apartheid.
And so I see parallels between Krog’s book and us in our daily lives. Yes, it was and is horrifying to look squarely in the face the atrocities that were committed during South African or Namibian apartheid, during any war or any other time of struggle in our history…yet isn’t there redemption in the examination, acceptance, the moving beyond the past? Don’t we feel this in ourselves? That which we don’t face will pull us under again and again. The same lessons will resurface again and again until we face them. Our challenges, learning, struggles always come full circle. Someone said in Krog’s book that societies with a “less democratic” past must constantly assess their sense of justice. Yet I think this applies to everyone and every state, no matter the past. Malcolm Gladwell talks about the tipping point and the ethos or mentalities that can “tip” a society towards positive good or evil. And we all play our part in that. We are infinitely powerful and should not forget our spheres of influence. That everything you think, say and do is important. That you affect everyone around you.
As Gandhi said:
“Carefully watch your THOUGHTS, for they become your WORDS. Manage and watch your WORDS, for they will become your ACTIONS. Consider and judge your ACTIONS, for they have become your HABITS. Acknowledge and watch your HABITS, for they shall become your VALUES. Understand and embrace your VALUES, for they become YOUR DESTINY.”
As my friend Melanie said recently, “There are so many lessons in life that we can’t learn until we are quiet enough to hear them.” She is right. And I think of the powerful lessons that were taught and received during the Truth Commission in South Africa. Of the powerful lessons each of us learns every day. If we have the courage to be quiet enough to listen.
Below are some recent photos:
The first is my friend Job and his puppy Tiger.
Next is my favorite plant:
And finally, the hand washing continues:
This week I am posting on a lighter note: baboons! I was delightfully surprised this morning when I suddenly saw a whole group of baboons running across the road, trailing me in the bush alongside the road, and then cross again in front of me. Adorable! There were even baby baboons!
Coincidentally, a friend was telling me a funny story about baboons last night. Apparently, they are so smart that they can figure out how to open gates and turn water taps on and off! In fact, they are a major problem for farmers here when they wreak havoc on their various plans by mixing up the livestock due to their opening gates, depleting entire dams of water when they turn on a water tap, etc. I still give them an A+ for good looks and personality!
This week I am posting about two difficult topics: colonialism and gender equality.
The topic of colonialism surfaced last week in an interaction I had with some friends and neighbors. In his book about the horrible genocide which took place in Rwanda, Philip Gourevitch states that “all colonization is violence.” I agree. Last week, I had some friends over. As I have said before, the remnants of apartheid are very apparent in Namibia. My friends are both white and black Namibians. At the gathering, some of the white Namibians were making racist comments about the blacks. When I quoted Gourevitch, agreeing with him that colonization is indeed violent, my neighbor retorted that the U.S. too has a dark legacy of slavery, Jim Crow, segregation, etc. We could go on to add today’s mass incarceration, which is heavily biased against black American men, as argued eloquently in Michelle Alexander’s The New Jim Crow. My friend is right that I, as an American, should be humble and aware of the work yet to be done in terms of social justice, race and reconciliation. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t have an opinion about the blatant racism that I too frequently encounter here. It doesn’t mean that the U.S. and Namibia can’t learn from each other about where we stand in our journey of race and reconciliation. This is, in fact, one of the primary goals of the U.S. Peace Corps – to foster understanding between the U.S. and other nations of the world.
My face burned with shame as I looked at my black Namibian friend as our white neighbors and community members made statement after statement, generalizing about “the blacks.” In retrospect, I wish I had spoken up. The question is always: how can I be an ally? How can I use my own (unearned) privilege to ally with others on their journey towards realizing their own human rights. Jeannie Berwick, Executive Director of One Equal Heart Foundation calls this “accompaniment,” which is a term that I find helpful.
Lila Watson’s quote sums it up well:
"If you have come here to help me, then you are wasting your time…But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together."
I am trying hard to find the best way to be an ally, to be a champion for social justice, to be a good role model for my students, and to live up to the high ideals that I have for myself and others. It is not easy – it is very much like walking a cultural tightrope, knowing you often have no right to speak up as it is not your country, culture or language. There are clearly things you can never understand about this foreign place. Yet many times we have an obligation to speak up, to use our voices to advocate for others who do not have a voice. We have to shine a light as and how we can. Sometimes this means silence so you can be strong when it is necessary, or waiting until the right moment. Sometimes it means realizing you made a mistake, swallowing your pride, and trying again. All we can do is try, but I am confident that together we can make strides towards a more just world. As slow as the progress might be – the important thing is that the march continues.
I also wanted to address gender equality. Last week I attended a Peace Corps training on gender equality and how to form boy’s and girl’s clubs. It was a very helpful training, but one challenging aspect remains. The first day of the training, we were discussing gender equality. One of the Directors from the Namibian Ministry of Gender and Child Welfare was presenting. She made a strong case for just why gender equality work is important in Namibia. For many centuries, women here were oppressed and could not do many things such as own property or land, vote, work, choose who they wanted to marry etc. (Not only, in fact, couldn’t they own property, they were counted as PART of their husband’s property – as though he owned his wife.)
Following her presentation, a Namibian man stood up and said, “Men and women will never be equal. It will never happen.” Now, this man chose to speak out – consider how many others here have the same beliefs, but may not say it outright. This belief is clearly something the man has been taught since he was a boy. Now, he is a mentor for other young men and boys in his region. As a feminist and a strong woman, these words were hard to hear. It is clearly a difference in cultural beliefs, yet hearing this blanket statement causes me great pain for my sisters all over the world who are persecuted and oppressed – who simply aren’t given the same opportunities as men. I think of women throughout history who have suffered and struggled and worked for greater gender equality. I think, for example, of the female activists in “Women of Zimbabwe Arise,” who are working to further human rights for women in Zimbabwe. Many of them have been raped multiple times, and face threats of death daily, but they continue their work because at a certain point, what other choice do you have? I think of Jacqueline Kasha Nabagazera, a LGBTQ activist in Uganda whose best friends have been killed in the name of her struggle for greater gender equality and rights for ALL Ugandans, including those in the LGBTQ struggle. It is these heroes who will change the day, who will slowly but surely change gender norms and move towards greater equality for men and women.
One of the great struggles in this work is to make BOTH men and women feel respected in dialogues, work and discussions on this topic. At our conference, many of the men said they felt “hated and victimized” after the gender equality discussion. Many of us as women felt very disrespected. How can we work together to achieve greater gender norms while maintain an atmosphere of mutual respect?
We will one day find ourselves in a time with great gender and race equality - we are already entering this time, and I have faith that we will continue to make strides to continue to achieve greater equality in all areas.
This is the audacity of hope.
