God

Here in Namibia, I feel closer to God than I ever have before. I think it is because of the simpler way of life, and the high level of interconnectedness between people in my community. There is a high level of social capital. One of my aunts, who is also a spiritual teacher and an oblate, observed once that she believes the impoverished are often closer to God because they cannot shield and distract themselves with material goods. It is the raw reality of them, their lives, and, if they choose, God. I think she is right.

However, recently I experienced a “night terror,” which made me confront my own journey. I have heard authors discuss the “courage” necessary to confront your own strong emotions. I think of Jesus in the Gospel of Thomas, the Gnostic Gospels, “If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” Mark Nepo put it this way, “The more we express, that is, bring out what is in, the more alive we are. The more we give voice to our pain in living, the less build-up we have between our soul and our way in the world.”

Sometimes when we are broken open, we are forced into being our most open, humble and vulnerable selves, which allows us to connect with others. This is a gift. Nepo continues, “all spiritual warriors have a broken heart – must have a broken heart – because it is only through the break that the wonder and mysteries of life can enter us.” I am not 100% sure why God has revealed himself to me here, why I feel closer to him/her here. But I think it has something to do with my journey, with working through heartache, pain, and intense personal learning. It is a journey of healing, and to finding your true place of service and vocation in the world. It is not easy, but in the end is the most rewarding and fulfilling path there is. Here, I have found I want to teach, and I want to continue to pursue my studies. I have found the best of friends, the best of people. I am humbled and awed by the path God has led me down. And I can’t wait for what happens next.

“Life is too magnificent and difficult for us to give away our elemental place in the journey.”

- Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening