Jump Into the Illusion…

Writing Authentically…

This week, I am (especially) choosing to write from the heart. This is a conscious decision, especially after my graduate school training, where I studied “gracious space.” Gracious space is a spirit and a setting where you “invite the strange” and “learn in public.” I am choosing to do this here and now as I believe the power of gracious space is not to be underestimated – as we each work to have the courage to learn in public, to share our doubts, fear, and experiences, it unconsciously gives others permission to also do so.

There is a quote from Clarissa Pinkola Estes, author of Women Who Run With Wolves where she says…

“One of the most calming and powerful actions you can do to intervene in a stormy world is to stand up and show your soul. Struggling souls catch light from other souls who are fully lit and willing to show it.”

― Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Today, I was reflecting on 2 lessons that I have learned in past years. One was discovered during a “28 day plan” that my dear friend Mel and I embarked upon. (Of course, 28 days of self-discovery and self-improvement have become a lifetime’s journey). We came to the conclusion that relationships are just like economics: you must not sell yourself short. If you “under-sell” yourself – no one will be compelled to “pay more” for you – meaning that if you do not value yourself and command respect, no one will just give it to you. The same friend recently sent me a quote from Beyonce, “Power isn’t given; it’s taken.” The point is: respect yourself, love yourself, or no one else is. It all starts within, with each one of us.

The second lesson I have been reflecting on is the illusions that we may sometimes jump into. Specifically, not to jump into the illusion of finding fulfillment in someone or something other than yourself. Not only is this impossible, it is a trick of the mind and the psyche. How simple and unimaginative would it be if you could simply rely on someone else beyond yourself to complete and fulfill you, to make you happy and alive? Alas, this responsibility lies completely on your own shoulders. We are social beings – the true joy and meaning in life come from our relationships, our friendships, and the love we share between ourselves as humans. But the real work comes from within: how will you define, shape and create this one wild and crazy life that you have been given? How will it feel on that judgment day when all is said and done? What will we regret, or be especially happy that we in fact did?

All of these contemplations strangely bring me to two of my students. I cannot tell you how much in awe of these two particular students I am. How they inspire me every day. How even on the darkest days when the classroom management seems quite out of control, when you are overwhelmed that half of your students seem illiterate, when you just wonder if you are even cut out for this work – even on such days, it is the bright and shining light of students such as these two that cuts through that haze. (I will call them S and E to protect their identity.) S and E are cousins, and they live in an orphanage near the school where I teach in Namibia. I didn’t know their situation until recently when I visited the orphanage to help the staff with a computer issue. E is an orphan, and S’s father died when she was young, and her mother is an alcoholic.

S and E are the best of the best. They complete every assignment. They engage in every classroom discussion. You can always count on them to carry the day. Recently, I really challenged my grade 8 and 9 students to delve into a poem about dreams, race and reconciliation in Namibia, and their vision for the future of their country. It was quite above the heads of most of the learners. Not S! She went there! She understood every metaphor and everything the author hinted and alluded to. She was incredible! I would have never guessed that she has such a difficult home life, because she presents herself as the most well-balanced and clever student in the entire school! I am so proud of her I would like to think of her as my own daughter. Another example of her confidence and creativity was in a recent skit that I assigned my students. They had their choice of various “everyday interaction” topics. S chose a scene where a girl is asking advice from her father. Most students worked in pairs or groups. S confidently told me she would be presenting alone – and she brought down the house! She painted a moustache on one half of her face. She used different voices, and different sides of her face to portray the girl and the father. On the left side was the moustache, and she would wear glasses. To be herself, she turned to her right side (no moustache) and she removed the glasses. She did an incredible job! It was so clever and entertaining, and really goes to show her grace under fire and her positive sense of self-esteem, even without parents at home to support and encourage her. This gives me even more respect for the young student.

S went on to touch my heart when she wrote a response to the same poem mentioned above. The poem is by Hugh Ellis (I blogged about him a while ago), and is called Dreams. I asked students what THEIR dreams are. This is a common theme with my students. I really want to encourage them to DREAM, to EXPLORE, to DISCOVER, to find INSPIRATION and to TRANSEND their situation. It is difficult in our village – it is a resource-scarce environment. Many students don’t have enough to eat or a comfortable place to sleep. They certainly don’t have the peace and quiet of a bedroom with a desk to quietly study in. So it fills one with wonder when they find the wherewithal to transcend, to steel themselves against difficult circumstances, and to truly eek out all they can from the education that is presented to them.

Back to S – she really GOT this poem. I asked the students what their dreams were. Ellis was discussing his dream in post-apartheid Namibia – how he did not want to dream of violence and division any more. He wants white flags, doves, and peace. S got it 100%! She answered the question of what she dreams about quite literally. She said that she sometimes dreams that her mother has died. (Remember, her mother is an alcoholic – to such an extent that S is living in the orphanage). She said this scares her – that she loves her mother very much and of course does not want her to die. She said she dreams of spending time with her mother in a very normal way – perhaps spending the day shopping together or running errands. The way S shared this with me in her homework assignment really made my heart go out to her. Here she is, excelling in every way in her academic life, but all the while she is struggling so much internally – truly beating the odds by studying, fighting to achieve all she can, even without the love and support of her parents. I find her and E both to be exceptional in every way. I have often marveled at how difficult life can seem – even WITH every single advantage, even with the love and support of a great family and support system, being born in one of the most free, affluent and progressive societies in the world.

India Arie has a song about the world being a ghetto – how no matter where you live; there are parts of our societies that are challenging, downtrodden, and difficult. But also how some people ALWAYS transcend these situations. We always find a way out. Poverty and suffering take different forms – in the U.S. and other “western/developed” societies – this is often a poverty of spirit, of loneliness, of isolation and extreme individualism. In the “developing” or “resource-scarce” countries, suffering takes on a much more physical and literal form – hunger, pain, lack of safe and secure housing or education, or various forms of abuse or mistreatment. We in the developed world can learn so much from the developing world. When I was in Kenya, I was fascinated by how the people in the informal settlements truly seemed to take care of one another. It is the same here in Namibia – if one family or household is hungry, neighbors will often help out. Children are not the sole responsibility of the parents, but truly of the entire village – aunts, uncles and grandparents, will all rally around a child to mentor and support them, and to support them financially and materially. As someone who is a student of social capital, I find it very interesting to compare the level and quality of social capital here in Namibia, for example, vs. in the United States. Somehow it is here that I have truly felt a sense of community. In the U.S., I rarely knew the names of my neighbors, and I sadly see my family only 1-2 times per year. Here, that would be unheard of. This is all to say that we are not to pity or judge one another – much to the contrary, there is so much we can learn from each other.

This is something I have struggled with in my teaching lately. I do not agree with the “banking” model of teaching. Teaching and learning are meant to be elastic, synergistic “give and take” relationships – with the “teacher” learning just as much from the students as the students learn from the teacher. The learning process is dynamic and engaging. Due to classroom management and various faltering levels of English skills as well as critical thinking skills, however, I struggle to implement this philosophy in the classroom. But, I believe there will come a day in Namibia when critical thinking and English fluency are inherent. However, the country is still young and is still in many ways healing and recovering from the legacy of apartheid. My students really struggle with critical thinking. These are the remnants of social oppression – during apartheid, blacks were taught only the basics in order to “keep them down,” to not allow them to gain too much power and knowledge. The whites did not want them to become a threat. It is people who were educated under that system that are now teachers. The vagaries of apartheid, of colonialism, and oppression, take generations and generations to heal and recover. A much respected colleague of mine in Kenya told me once that Kenyans “often wait for a white person to come in with the solutions” – simply because this is what colonialism trained them to do. This is obviously wrong – it is always the local people who know the solutions and answers best. Whether they know it or not, they have what they need within them.

I like the terms allyship and accompaniment because that is the best that we can hope to do. All I can do is accompany my star learner S as she finds her way. All my Kenyan colleague can do is gradually claim her power over time – realizing that she herself holds all the power and all of the solutions within herself that she will ever need. Namibians will see that they can think critically, creatively, that they can use their own words, harness the incredible power of education and language to map a positive course for the future of their country.

And all we will be able to do is sit back in awe and watch the beauty of this country unfold. This is the day I look forward to in Namibia. When students such as S have a chance to take on leadership positions and to chart a positive course. It will happen, just wait.